I’m Done With Marriage

Marriage is over rated.

It’s self-induced misery where all I do is care for someone eles’ needs constantly. So tiring. And I’m done with it.

Why pay such a high price over such a long period of time when I can just live for myself now? Can’t believe I’ve had to put up with so much. Surprised I’ve made it as long as I have. Where’s my medal?

Do what makes you happy. That’s what I say.

Self-indulge.

After all, time is short, and I’m not promised tomorrow. Is this really how I envisioned my life going?

Why put myself through so much hardship and sacrifice when I know it doesn’t have to be this difficult? Everyone else I talk to doesn’t know how I’ve done it. Kept this up. Well, not anymore. I’m taking care of number one, because in the end, all I have is me anyway.

Change is over rated too. Who really wants to be different than they are right now? I like me, and I want to make sure I stay this way. Too much pressure, too many requirements or responsibilities, and I might just lose my identity. I might not be able to pursue my dreams and have the time I need for myself.

And kids? They practically raise themselves these days. Geez, with a good wifi connection, they stay quiet for hours. Not sure why they need me around anyway.

The other thing is, I have feelings for someone else. They love me for who I am, and totally get me. Whereas my spouse just wants me around to keep things in order. Provide. Tasks. Nag, nag, nag.

And don’t you tell me what to do. I’m tired of well-meaning people giving me their input. I want to live this life on my own terms, because the truth is, I really do know what’s best for me. Don’t act like you understand, or try and give me some God-reason why I need to listen to you. It’s too late for that because God never worked out for me in the first place.

I want to make up my own mind.

I’m doing this my way. People will get over it. The kids will be fine. And if anybody understands, I’m sure God does. It’s just so hard, and I never had peace about marriage in the first place. Something that takes this much work certainly can’t be God’s idea.

So I’m out. Pulling the rip cord and letting the chips fall where they may. If you were as hurt as I am, you’d understand too. Someone else can do the dirty work of picking up the pieces because there’s a beach somewhere with my name on it. There’s a bed where someone actually wants me.

Checking out.

Sincerely,

The Cowardly Spouse

•••

Today, I celebrate what have been the best ten years of my life. I’ve begun to learn about who Jesus really is, about the hidden joys of selflessness, and about the richness of becoming better than I knew I was able to be, all because of loving a remarkably classy, smashingly elegant, and insanely alluring lady who reflects the image of God just by walking in a room.

She’s called me up, challenged my weaknesses, summoned my strengths, and wept with me in my failures. She’s been a faithful example of the Father’s love, a friend, confidant, lover, and champion to our joint cause for advancing the Kingdom.

We’ve played hard, cried long, and traveled far. We’ve raised kids, broken valuables, and lost things. We’ve seen glorious moments on stages in front of thousands, and we’ve wiped up lots of poop in front of just one.

Jennifer, thank you for being brave. For loving Jesus more than you love me. For taking every thought captive. For choosing to love me and your children, new, everyday.

Jesus was the best decision I ever made; you were the best choice he ever gave me.

Happy 10th Anniversary. May our next ten bring God even more fame that he’s due. And may we succeed in helping turn more cowardly spouses into brave ones.

I love you,

ch:

  • Congratulations on ten years for you and Jennifer!

    (((Oh, and I’m still in proofie mode whenever I read anything of yours … ‘wifi connection, they stay quite for’ … should be quiet, not quite)))

    • @Jag: Thanks for your kind words! Means a lot. (And thanks for the Proofie-ness in you! I wouldn’t have it any other way. Fixed!).

  • Congrats you crazy kids! Your example of a godly and real marriage is an inspiration to generations to come. Keep living it, poop and all but hopefully that too shall pass. Sorry about that, it just came out. Ok, I’ll stop now before it gets messy. Love you.

    • @Nathan: I wouldn’t want that to be written any other way from you. Perfect. Love you, and thanks. Your marriage has always been one I’ve looked to.

  • David Woodkirk

    CH, I hope and pray that I can be the God fearing selfless husband you are! Your example has touched more lives then you can imagine!!!! I know in my future marriage venture you and Jenny will be there for me and my future wife( a cute little Mexican!!!!). Your an incredible husband and Father! Love ya CH!!!! PS I will inform you when I pop the question:)

    • @David: bro – you’re so legit. Thank you for your tremendously honoring words. You bless me. Looking forward to many great years ahead with our wives!

  • Hillary

    Happy Anniversary! You two are such an inspiration for my future marriage. <3 Love you both.

    • @Hillary: I love you, baby sister. Thank you for your kind words. They mean the world to me.

  • Jason

    Happy Aniversarry to two of my closest friends. Ch and Jenny, my own marriage to my best friend was only made possible because of your wonderful example and obedience to the Lord. Love you two and plan on mimicking your examples great detail!

    • @Jay: Man – bro – I just love you. Thanks for your continued kindness to us. I love working alongside you both. You’re an amazing friend and encourager.

  • Grats to you and Jenny. Love you both. And hey, your opening sarcastic shot sounds a ton like one of the Screwtape Letters. It’s so true. This is the crap we (and the enemy) tell ourselves to promote our own selfishness or to justify wrong decisions. Something I’ve always appreciated about you, bro: you’re a truth-teller. But unlike so many other well-meaning truth tellers, you have discovered how to tell the truth–with love and respect.

    • @Wayne: Well, you know what kind of honor it is to even be out in the same sentence and comparison with Lewis. And further, thank you for your kind words about being a truth teller “in love.” It certainly takes more creativity and forethought.

  • This was outstanding, Christopher. You and Jenny have exemplified what this beautiful thing is all about. And the best is this: There’s so much more of this ahead of you both. Many happy returns. Kath and I love you and you children tres beaucoup! Happy Anniversary, you two!

    • @Christian: I’m honored! Thank you for the love and happy returns of the day. Love you guys loads.