Marriage is over rated.
It’s self-induced misery where all I do is care for someone eles’ needs constantly. So tiring. And I’m done with it.
Why pay such a high price over such a long period of time when I can just live for myself now? Can’t believe I’ve had to put up with so much. Surprised I’ve made it as long as I have. Where’s my medal?
Do what makes you happy. That’s what I say.
After all, time is short, and I’m not promised tomorrow. Is this really how I envisioned my life going?
Why put myself through so much hardship and sacrifice when I know it doesn’t have to be this difficult? Everyone else I talk to doesn’t know how I’ve done it. Kept this up. Well, not anymore. I’m taking care of number one, because in the end, all I have is me anyway.
Change is over rated too. Who really wants to be different than they are right now? I like me, and I want to make sure I stay this way. Too much pressure, too many requirements or responsibilities, and I might just lose my identity. I might not be able to pursue my dreams and have the time I need for myself.
And kids? They practically raise themselves these days. Geez, with a good wifi connection, they stay quiet for hours. Not sure why they need me around anyway.
The other thing is, I have feelings for someone else. They love me for who I am, and totally get me. Whereas my spouse just wants me around to keep things in order. Provide. Tasks. Nag, nag, nag.
And don’t you tell me what to do. I’m tired of well-meaning people giving me their input. I want to live this life on my own terms, because the truth is, I really do know what’s best for me. Don’t act like you understand, or try and give me some God-reason why I need to listen to you. It’s too late for that because God never worked out for me in the first place.
I want to make up my own mind.
I’m doing this my way. People will get over it. The kids will be fine. And if anybody understands, I’m sure God does. It’s just so hard, and I never had peace about marriage in the first place. Something that takes this much work certainly can’t be God’s idea.
So I’m out. Pulling the rip cord and letting the chips fall where they may. If you were as hurt as I am, you’d understand too. Someone else can do the dirty work of picking up the pieces because there’s a beach somewhere with my name on it. There’s a bed where someone actually wants me.
The Cowardly Spouse
Today, I celebrate what have been the best ten years of my life. I’ve begun to learn about who Jesus really is, about the hidden joys of selflessness, and about the richness of becoming better than I knew I was able to be, all because of loving a remarkably classy, smashingly elegant, and insanely alluring lady who reflects the image of God just by walking in a room.
She’s called me up, challenged my weaknesses, summoned my strengths, and wept with me in my failures. She’s been a faithful example of the Father’s love, a friend, confidant, lover, and champion to our joint cause for advancing the Kingdom.
We’ve played hard, cried long, and traveled far. We’ve raised kids, broken valuables, and lost things. We’ve seen glorious moments on stages in front of thousands, and we’ve wiped up lots of poop in front of just one.
Jennifer, thank you for being brave. For loving Jesus more than you love me. For taking every thought captive. For choosing to love me and your children, new, everyday.
Jesus was the best decision I ever made; you were the best choice he ever gave me.
Happy 10th Anniversary. May our next ten bring God even more fame that he’s due. And may we succeed in helping turn more cowardly spouses into brave ones.
I love you,