In Response to Snoring

I woke up this morning and found the following comment waiting for moderation on my snoring post. My response is below:

Dear Kiera,

Thanks for writing. I’m really honored that someone would be this excited that I’d take the time to discuss the subject of snoring. Snoring has in fact touched the lives of countless people, so your comment is very poignant in that regard. What I’m touched by even more is how strongly you felt about this subject. I mean, you even said so yourself: “I feel strongly about it.” And as if that weren’t enough, that you love learning more about it. Really? You are a rare and mystical woman, Ms. Stevenson; perhaps you should impart this gift to my wife, Jennifer. She hates learning about snoring altogether. In fact, she’s trying to get me to stop. (Can you imagine? The audacity!).

But update you with more information? That’s where I’ll have to disappoint you, Kiera. I can not possibly update my blog with more information. You’re correct in observing that my expertise in the subject will only grow (I’m flattered); I fully intend to get better and better at snoring as I grow older and lose involuntary muscle control of my relaxing oral and sinus tissues. But the inherent problem is that I don’t know when I’m snoring. I get better and better at something I’m completely unaware of. (Some might call it my spiritual gift). Thus, I can no longer be of help to you.

Where will you go for further instruction? I can not say. But it won’t be here. I have sadly taken the liberty of marking your comment as “spam,” never to return, as I can’t bear the thought of leading you on in the false hope of educating you with my increased expertise. Oh, the cruel torment. Interestingly enough, however, your comment was posted with an accompanying website; what divine intervention! It’s almost like the Greek snoring gods have looked favorably upon you! Surely you might be able to find more answers there!

May your strong feelings and desire for helpful learning only increase in the nights ahead. I bid thee a fond farewell.

ch:

  • Oh Mr. Hopper….that is too funny 😀 Such a sad sad spam bot ::sniffles:: On a quest for truth…

    • Never met a spam bot I couldn’t insult.

      • The TUG ones were hilarious to make fun of. In a thread about dragons “Buy our soap!”. Too funny 🙂

  • Too funny. And to think I used to think you were too busy. Clearly you have too much time on your hands. Are you in need of another project? Looking forward to learning more about snoring from you.

    • I’m in a hotel on a day off during a weekend of ministry. You know I’ve got to let a little of my crazy out!

  • Leah Stockholm

    Hahaha nice 🙂

  • way too funny

  • Billy.J

    Oh my gosh dude. That’s is just so wrong is hilarious! You could easily sell a comedic CD with just the narrations of your various happenings! LOL! That was very, very funny! ROFL 🙂

  • Millard

    Heheheh, Poor lass 😉 Very shrewd CH 🙂

  • whisper

    Wow…. wow…

  • Hey Chris, it is Bella (from Merge),

    Just wanted to say thanks for all the encouragement this weekend. Talking about writing with someone who actually knows something about it, and is successful at it, is always great! (rather than the usual funny looks and people telling me they hope i don’t starve to death trying to make a living by writing…)

    Your website is awesome and your posts are quite funny. Following. 🙂
    Thanks for coming to CLG!
    bella

    • You’re welcome, Bella! So excited for your future in God. You’re a blessing! And keep writing!

  • All too funny Christopher. Thank you for the amazing chuckle today — much appreciated. Gotta love the awesome humor.